My Blog

tiba saatnya kita saling bicara
tentang perasaan yang kian menyiksa
tentang rindu yang menggebu
tentang cinta yang tak terungkap

sudah terlalu lama kita berdiam
tenggelam dalam gelisah yang tak teredam
memenuhi mimpi-mimpimu malam kita

reff:
duhai cintaku, sayangku, lepaskanlah
perasaanmu, rindumu, seluruh cintamu
dan kini hanya ada aku dan dirimu
sesaat di keabadian

jika sang waktu kita hentikan
dan segala mimpi-mimpi jadi kenyataan
meleburkan semua batas
antara kau dan aku, kita

repeat reff

In-Team

Sutera Kasih

Kian lama terpenjara
Mencari makna cinta
Dalam ungkap kata bersulam dusta

Bila gerbang rahmat terbuka
Menjelma cinta suci
Sehalus dan selembut sutera kasih
Terbentanglah tersingkap kebenaran
Terlerailah terbenam kepalsuan
Tuhan pada-Mu ada kedamaian
Diribaan-Mu kebahagiaan
Tiada lagi rasa kesangsian di hati
Cinta Mu cinta tulus suci murni
Kasih-Mu nan abadi

Bertautlah bercambahlah cinta
Mengharum dalam jiwa
Menemukan kerinduan syahdu
Pada yang Maha Esa

Sutera kasih membelai
Membalut kelukaan itu
Sutera kasih melambai
Mengisi kekosongan pengharapan

Rela pasrahkan kehidupan
Mengharungi cabaran
Rintangan perjalanan di hadapan

Doa dan titis air mata
Mendamba sutera kasih
Agar terus bersemi selamanya

i am a hopeless case when it comes to the matter of the heart….a gone case if i may say so. i like this guy, lets call him AS. we never actually met but we used to keep in touch via internet. as we corresponded, i got to know him better and better….i realised that i was ALWAYS loking forward to his replies…once i read his name in the inbox, i would smiled from ear2ear….the feelings were beautiful….i was happy, truly happy…and i kept all his emails for no obvious reasons….

as he always updates his site, something like friedster, i am able to keep up with his life….not everything but part of it. i lurve reading his thoughts on issues pertaining to life…an eye opener, truly….

i stopped msgg and e-mailing him….once i knew he has already found someone, most probably his future mrs…not that i just straightaway stopped all correspondence but gradually…my heart felt a twinge of sadness and by that i had to admit to myself that i like him…a lot.

at the same time, things came up in my academic life, seriously..i know it was a silly excuse but i had to give a reason. i didnt say it to him but i posted it on my site. it was hard for me to not contacting him as it had become a habit of mine….

as i write now, the one he is waiting for, has not given him the answer; to accept him or not….i am in no position to give opinion but i hope she is worth it….as a friend, i am praying that he will find happiness in his life…perhaps, we are meant to be friends, period.

aku redha ya allah…moga Engkau mempertemukan aku dengan yang lebih baik darinya…amin….

bitterness will detroy me, i know that. it is just so darn difficult when it comes to the matter of the heart. rationally thinking, if he pops the question, i would surely let him down and yet when he says he has found the one, i dont feel happy for him….why huh?

i want him but i dont want him either….i am happy when we are close yet i dont want our friendship to be more than that….i prefer to be on a friendly terms with him…perhaps i am afraid to lose someone as good as him….

he is just a friend, someone i met about a month or so….he has the qualities that i look for yet i have so many competitors to get to his heart…

he says he doesnt go for look, it is the inner beauty that he looks at…hmmmm, is that so?

recently, he admits that his heart is stolen by someone and i was shocked…..i was numb and honestly, i am still numb…..

i did not cry but my heart…i feel disappointed? i just dont know how to describe my feelings….

sigh…..i guess, we are not meant 4 each other…..

well, good or bad, hard to say…perhaps, this is the best….

my dear friend, i wish u all the best in ur relationship. she is sure one lucky lady and i hope she realises that…

so many things happened for the past few months…

bittersweet things…

gosh, so many things to write, to jot down before i forgot all about them…

my breakup with a guy i really care, deeply….

my new life at a new town….

new friendships….

a relationship that i am unable to phantom the destiny….

my chaotic family affairs…

oh god….

life is full of surprises….

i am into indonesian songs lately…
it started harmlessly by listening to some popular indonesian songs but it was when my friends introduced a band from indonesia, j-rocks and all those powerful other artistes with poetical songs that i started to listen more to indonesian songs.
i find their songs are beautifully arranged with deep meanings which really deliver the message.
well, some people are just that talented

okay, things didnt go well as i thought…

i hate it when things just wont abide my wishes…

haiyaaah!!! the first day was a disaster, the 2nd day went a bit okay, the 3rd day during my 1st observation with my mentor was…i didnt prepare a lot of things so i gave a bad impresion to her…how ambarassing as a graduate!!!

the first week was a nightmare….i slept around 3-4am throughout the week….gosh this whole thing is a torture, mentally and emotionally….i am exhausted….

i am now at betong, a small town. more to be a mini town according to my standard.

one of my former students contacted me and it was nice….

after a while, he asked about him…what happened between us….

he heard that we are no longer an item…

wow! what a question….i asked him of what he knew….

i’m just so tired playing games with him about my love life so i told him the truth…..i told him it pained me to lose him, the first guy i ever cared about…however, i told him tha i am not hating anyone for the sad ending of my relationship….

talking about it made me sad again…all this while, i thought i am 100% over him but i now i think i still need time…

the pain is still there but not as painful as it was….it hurts a bit but i’m trying to get over it..he sounds ok when i called him and i am glad he’s doing okay…

pls god, give me strength…..

Lelaki idaman saya adalah seorang lelaki yang beriman
Yang hatinya disalut rasa takwa kepada Allah
Yang jiwanya penuh penghayatan terhadap Islam
Yang sentiasa haus dengan ilmu
Yang sentiasa dahaga akan pahala
Yang solatnya adalah maruah dirinya
Yang tidak pernah takut untuk berkata benar
Yang tidak pernah gentar untuk melawan nafsu
Yang sentiasa bersama kumpulan orang-orang
yang berjuang di jalan Allah

Lelaki idaman saya adalah lelaki yang menjaga tutur katanya
Yang tidak bermegah dengan ilmu yang dimilikinya
Yang tidak bermegah dengan harta dunia yang dicarinya
Yang sentiasa berbuat kebajikan kerana sifatnya yang penyayang
Yang mempunyai ramai kawan dan tidak
mempunyai musuh yang bersifat jembalang

Lelaki idaman saya adalah lelaki yang menghormati ibunya
Yang sentiasa berbakti kepada kedua orang tua dan keluarga
Yang bakal menjaga kerukunan rumahtangga
Yang akan mendidik isteri dan anak-anak mendalami Islam
Yang mengamalkan hidup penuh kesederhanaan
Kerana dunia baginya adalah rumah sementara menuju akhirat

Lelaki idaman saya sentiasa bersedia untuk menjadi imam
Yang hidup di bawah naungan Al-Quran dan mencontohi sifat Rasulullah
Yang boleh diajak berbincang dan berbicara
Yang menjaga matanya dari berbelanja
Yang sujudnya penuh kesyukuran dengan rahmat Allah ke atasnya

Lelaki idaman saya tidak pernah membazirkan masa
Matanya kepenatan kerana penat membaca
Suaranya lesu kerana penat mengaji dan berzikir
Tidurnya lena dengan cahaya keimanan
Bangunnya subuh penuh kercergasan
Kerana sehari lagi usianya bertambah penuh
kematangan

Lelaki idaman saya sentiasa mengingati mati
Yang baginya hidup di dunia adalah ladang akhirat
Yang mana buah kehidupan itu perlu dibaja dan dijaga
Agar berputik tunas yang bakal menjadi baka yang baik
Meneruskan perjuangan Islam sebelum hari kemudian
Lelaki idaman saya adalah lelaki
Yang tidak terpesona dengan buaian dunia
Kerana dia mengimpikan syurga
Di situlah rumah idamannya
Dan dia ingin membawa saya bersama
Dialah lelaki idaman saya

p/s: adakah dia untukku?