My Blog

mplhe called to say good bye….if i were not in the cc, for sure i would be crying my heart out….it just doesnt make any sense for me to cry….he loves me, i know that…i guess being apart really tests my heart or is it the reality of which we are not going to make it taunts me, again and again? he asked me if i’ll wait for him and i said yes….he says, keep praying that we’ll be together….things are so complicated now….i dont want to take away his youth yet i dont want to lose him to anyone else…but i’m willing to lose him to someone who is better than me…pls god…i’m confused… why is it life could be so damn complicated? yet in the middle of this choatic love life of mine, i could sense the serenity whenever i think about Him….i guess He is testing me… anyhow, lets look back at my so roller-coaster love life…i am missing him so much now as i type these words…gosh, i miss him…… i feel so weak, no spirit whatsoever to carry on my life but the mere thought of losing him scared me…oh how i hate myself for being so weak…adios….

the thoughts of him keep coming flooding my mind that sometimes it leaves me breathless…my heart feels so empty….i am unable to shed a tear for i miss him so much….too deep, too much…

i laugh with my friends, act normal…. yet at the same time, i think about him….we’re gonna be apart for god knows how long and it makes me sad…i’m gonna miss his voice….oh god, i felt a lump in my throat, a tear at the brink of my eye and a sad feeling engulfing me now…if i am in love, why is it i am sad most of the time?

why is it so hard? god, i miss him…i really do.

my life is just like a roller-coaster…one moment i was way up, feeling so happy as if there was nothing in the world to worry about….and in a blink of an eye, my life looks so gloom….

i was refering to my personal life…in less than a month, my baby sister will be engaged to her other half…i am happy for her since she had gone through a tough relationship…i was not around when she had to face the separation…i felt the sting as well since i liked the idea of having the guy as part of the family yet i guess, god has  another plan for my sister. the new guy, he’s more relax-type of a person and jokes a lot…

yet the preparation for the big day is……(sigh) crazy? we are malays so we are bound to our customs so, things got complicated….my sister is caught in the middle and so am i….looking at what my sister is going through, gives me chill…..a very cold chill down my spine….automatically, my mind rushes to him…the love of my life..

if this is what is required of us, gosh…we wont be able to make it…

honestly, i cant see any future for the both of us together, yet i am not willing to let this relationship ends…..yet.

the feelings are too beautiful though i am the one who hurts the most…reality does bite, hard…..

lately, my entries sound so negative, vented with anger and hatred yet that was how i felt….

people could be so nasty sometimes, making other people’s lives miserable just for the fun of it. some are the pragmatic individuals, without the sense of humanism…

whenever i feel so sad, i turn my thoughts inside…walking down my memory lanes, together with my sweetheart…how i missed the good old days…i was happy…it made me smile and at the same time, i felt a stab of sadness…

sometimes, i wonder why good things must end? i read somewhere that life is a learning curve, every single day of it…when i think about it, how true the saying is…i had such loving memories throughout the time i was ‘there’, knowing kind and beautiful souls yet life must goes on…i should be grateful to still have their beautiful friendships even i am no longer ‘there’…most importantly, i fell in love and to have such a pure soul to love me back…what else could i ask for? i should be grateful…

plus, with such loving families, who cares about me…that is a blessing i took for granted most of the time…

i’m truly blessed…

god, how i hate her! what a bit**!!! okay, i admit i was late for the competition but i didnt do it on purpose…all the time i spent preparing for the damn thing was just a waste then….no wonder i didn’t bother to learn the text by heart…i just have this sort of 6th sense that tells me something…and usually, it turns out right… well, i am to write a ’surat tunjuk sebab’ to explain my late arrival. god, damn her!!!

i had this one lecturer during my uni days…i was lucky enough that i didnt have to deal with her, i just stayed under the radar to avoid detection…my friends complained to me how bitchy she was but i really didnt care coz i didnt have to deal with her directly…and what a luck, now i have to deal with the same type of lecturer this time around. well, to spice things up, the queen of the damned is my advisor for a project. god, now i’m really in deep shit!!

she told us that she wears different hats for different occassions so if she scolds us in class, outside the class is a different thing all together…so don’t hold any ill-feelings, be professionals..yeah, right! kiss my a#* for all i care, bit**!! what kind of person do you take us for? robots? we can’ compartilized our feelings, u idiot! lets see if u can do the same…ur time will come, trust me.

she is just like that lady from my uni days…well thinking back, they could be sisters since they have this similiar attitude…she has this ‘holier than thou’ attitude and doing things by the book…u think u are so holy meh?? aiyoh, get real lah!

well babeh, it’s all about karma…what goes around, comes around!!! mark my words….

i realised i have a string of admirers and for that, i’m being envied by those around me….what can i do? don’t hate me because i’m intelligent, he!he!he!

anyway, things just went crazy….i’m not feeling well already, with all sort of assignments to be submitted as well as this up-coming broadcasting competition. aiiyoohhh!!!

some people are being such as jerk…i don’t know why should you feign ignorance towards someone you’ve known for the last few years…guess this particular person doesn’t want to lose his stock market from being among the most eligible bachelor on the campus….yeah, get a life baby!!!

as for the old accentric, he praised us for our outstanding performance and that was a surprise. and he kept saying my name again and again as example in the letures and that made me feel…awkard. my friends said bad things about him and for that, i felt sorry for him….

that’s life, i guess….got to go, time nearly up for the lab…daaaa!!!!!

i had quite a week last week….things went out of control…i nearly lost my sanity…

i thank god i still am here….life is so bad for me now…listening to the damn song, makes me wanna cry….i hate this…..